Apparently, the cat doesn't have your tongue?

I'm very fortunate to have inherited many fine attributes. Good skin, an average BMI, and a wicked sense of humor are just a few things my husband counts as blessings in our marriage. Story telling is a gift as you can see, but catch me off guard with a snide remark and suddenly... a moment of eery silence. Stunned, I find myself ruminating a half second too long and POOF- the window of opportunity for the snarky comeback has passed. What happens when the gift of gab goes south? How do you combat a tackless soul who feels the need to point out things like, "blue really isn't your color" or "i didn't realize you're heavier than you seem." 

I've started a writing campaign to Brita encouraging them to invent the Human Filter which collects impurities and insults for better tasting conversations. I'm not sure that they've gotten to working on my idea yet but i am hopeful. In the meantime, i've accepted that physical violence is never the answer and when the zinger eludes me, resort to name calling. Want some of this, Be'atch?!