Head Check

When I look back on these past few years, I can’t help but to conclude that my best friend and worst enemy has brought out my brilliance and self-destruction, my confidence and insecurity, and decades worth of both, happiness and pain. No, no- it isn't my husband…I have other colorful descriptives for him which I’ll save for another day. But instead my little frenemy is called…down time. Since moving to Hawaii, I seem to have a lot of it and while most would kill for 5 minutes of peace and quiet, trust me…being alone with your thoughts isn’t always tranquil. Back in Jersey, surrounded by the noise of the city, the distraction of family, and a rolodex of friends willing to grab a late night cocktail on any given day, I found little to no time to amuse myself as the constant stimulation kept me wired, exhausted, and craving for an island locale complete with a pina colada and some SPF 50. Now that my wish has come true and not only do I live on an island with copious amounts of fruity, tropical drinks, and an endless supply of sun, but I’ve also managed to shed some of the fatigue and go, go, go of the east coast..

I call this, my decompression period. With time to think, reflect, and find ways to amuse myself- it hasn’t always been fun or pretty but truthfully, it has been enlightening. Before I figured out what to do with all this spare time, I used to use it as a vehicle for feeling sorry for myself, daydreaming about my big break, or finding reasons to be annoyed with life. Ironically, while living in Jersey- these were precisely the same complaints I just loved to stew on. And now, being in Hawaii I had even more time to do it. My reality check came when I found myself canoodling with people who were just as pessimistic and cynical as I was. It dawned on me that if living a life of leisure surrounded by a gorgeous backdrop and balmy weather with more free time than I could handle wasn’t the problem then neither was the fast paced east coast, surrounded by more family and friends than I knew what to do with. So, what is the problem, you say? Well, it turns out...the real enemy is all in my head.