Help wanted...

Psych nursing has taught me an invaluable lesson that i not only apply to delusional schizoaffective patients but to the people i surround myself with everyday like my family, co-workers, and friends. And that golden nugget of information is this.....NEVER tell a crazy person that they're crazy. More times than not- you'll probably ensue some sort of violent reaction or cause further emotional breakdown just by stating the obvious. Trust me, refuting the fact that an 83 year old pineapple farmer from Molokai is not President Obama's step brother from Kenya- only puts you in harms way. Just like telling your 40 year old girlfriend that indeed, her married boyfriend is only using her for a booty call lends to the demise of your friendship. The fact is, the truth hurts....

So, unless i've got my amazing psych staff ready for a takedown with an ample supply of IM Haldol and Ativan handy...you will never hear me dispute what's truth to you. We all have things we need to believe in so who am i to rain on your parade? When people come to me for advice- i size them up for how much of the truth they can handle and take it from there. What i've found works best with psychotic patients works just as well with friends and that is...a polite smile and an encouraging nod go a long way!!! What's your best advice? Do tell...

Braveheart

The first time i held my daughter in my arms- i was convinced there was going to be an instant Kodak moment or at the least, a Hallmark card in the making. I anticipated an instant connection and for my internal mom-o-meter to kick in. All the months of waiting and 60 pound weight gain that killed my girlish figure had me anxiously envisioning this moment of euphoria. The nurse brought in my 6 pound 1 oz little girl and without fanfare or gush of emotion- i officially became a mother. In one of the most serene moments of my life, i held her close and prayed for the kind of strength, resilience, and unconditional love that my mom had given me. And just like that...i traded my youth for the adventures of motherhood.  

Nearly 17 years later, it's been nothing short of amazing to see what nurturing can do for a child. And while our first moments together lacked the tears of joy i imagined...trust me when i tell you that they've come since, especially in the teen age years! But, i wouldn't change a thing and feel eternally blessed for the chance to shape, mold, scream, hug, throw things at, challenge, and evoke a love that knows no boundaries! Happy Mother's day to all you adventure lovers....i hope you've had as much fun as i have! Do tell...

L'eggo My Ego

These days when a confidence boost is in order, i find myself stumped on who, what, or where to turn. The trick with getting older is the ability to know your hand before you play it. When i want brutal honesty- I check in with my husband. If i need tough love, I put a call into my brother. And when feeling faint- I call on my girlfriends who indulge me with half truths and a shared love for alcoholic beverages. And yes, I've been to church, written sticky notes on my mirror,  and even worked on a psych unit with schizophrenics who make me appreciative of the little sanity i do possess. 

After much consideration, it occurred to me that an unhealthy balance of running on fumes and irregular maintenance to my ego has led to comparisons with the mentally ill and reaching far too often for the Grey Goose.  Although seeking advice provides a sense of instant gratification, it's gotten me thinking about whose voice i should really be paying attention to, and that's mine. In fact, what i'm hearing right now is that monthly facials are mandatory and a weekend getaway to the Four Seasons Maui is a must . Oh and one more thing, there's nothing wrong with a little vodka. What's your voice saying? Do tell...

Money CAN buy you happiness

In my late 20's, I rocked the poor mans version of Kimora Lee Simmons' fabulous life. Gucci here, Oscar de la Renta there, and a boutique in Hoboken weren't shabby accomplishments for a semi driven girl. Armed with a slight air of pretension and a penchant for all things designer, one can't help but to justify living like a material girl especially when you feel like you deserve it. Needless to say, the price of possession for a wanna be Simmons meant working 2 jobs and NOT being married to man named Russell! 

I've since shed the need to live like a rockstar as the state of the economy has me thanking the healthcare profession for a over a decade of steady work. I've learned that investing in the future means spending time with people you love and that money IS a means to happiness only when well spent. The Gucci has now gone vintage and by no means have i started clipping coupons but instead enjoy the little things like the free coffee at work and the Barney's outlet at Waikele. Are you spending wisely? Do tell...

Homey don't play that!

A recent run in with an obnoxious droid has me re-evaluating my modus operandi. I play by the  pay it forward school of thought in hopes that when I'm stuck between a gorilla and his wing man that my retribution comes in the form of a brutey 6'4 Samoan ready to beef. The spirit of give and take works for me knowing that a hook up is only 2 phone calls, 1 text message, or a facebook post away. 

What i find incomprehensible is the person that takes without the give and does so without the faintest flinch of a false eyelash. Completely void of human emotion and a persona that screams non grata makes me wonder if I'm missing something here? Does getting ahead mean screwing everyone in the back of the line? Does being at the top mean you've never seen the bottom? It's highly unlikely that I'll ever roll with the takers of the world but i rest easy knowing this...that they're probably the ones on the dance floor with the gorilla and his wing men! What's your MO? Are you a giver or a taker? Do tell...

Apparently, the cat doesn't have your tongue?

I'm very fortunate to have inherited many fine attributes. Good skin, an average BMI, and a wicked sense of humor are just a few things my husband counts as blessings in our marriage. Story telling is a gift as you can see, but catch me off guard with a snide remark and suddenly... a moment of eery silence. Stunned, I find myself ruminating a half second too long and POOF- the window of opportunity for the snarky comeback has passed. What happens when the gift of gab goes south? How do you combat a tackless soul who feels the need to point out things like, "blue really isn't your color" or "i didn't realize you're heavier than you seem." 

I've started a writing campaign to Brita encouraging them to invent the Human Filter which collects impurities and insults for better tasting conversations. I'm not sure that they've gotten to working on my idea yet but i am hopeful. In the meantime, i've accepted that physical violence is never the answer and when the zinger eludes me, resort to name calling. Want some of this, Be'atch?!

Every day is like Sunday

Today i spent an entire Sunday cooped up in my apartment with a barrage of LMN movies, hand fed my finicky puppy all 3 meals, and drank a healthy supply of D&D coffee. It was perfection. As you can see, the word "outdoorsy" least describes my personality. I'd be the last to jump at the opportunity to run a marathon or voluntarily camp in the woods without a bathroom facility or choose to go on a 2 hour hike 'just for fun'. Hands down, an invitation for coffee and dessert or better yet, a lychee martini at Nobu's will guarantee you the pleasure of my company. 

I've made my fair share of missteps with friends who were really just acquaintances and wasted a good amount of effort on things that were never meant to be. Through it all, what i have learned is an invaluable lesson in time management. When something aside from work, feels like work then it's apparently not worth the effort but loving what you do and who you do it with is truly the marker of time well spent. So, if i choose cable over kayaking or caffeine vs. a 5K run, then you know i'm doing exactly what i want to. Are you working when you should be playing? Who are you spending time with? Do tell...